I'm home and I hate to say, but so happy to be home. I use to love to visit my childhood home, but now that my mom is getting older, it has become painful. I love my mom, don't get me wrong, it just makes me sad to see she is all alone in the house, that we all grew up in. My dad past away 13 years ago and she has done well with all the responsibilities. Time has not made things better though, she misses my father more and really is depressed. She wants to stay in her home for as long as she can even though the maintenance is burdensome. I try to get her interested in activities, but you know she really is a homebody. This does not help her mood though. I try to visit as much as I can, but it's always difficult to get away. She is welcome up here but is not a good traveler, which is why I visit her. I would love if she could pack up and visit for a week. She could see all that she is missing, but no luck with this for 8 years now. That was the last time she travelled. I average 3 visits a year and I call 6 days out of 7. So she feels connected with me but who can live on that alone? Of course she has Gretel her 4 year old mini dachshund, what a godsent. Sorry I'm rambling, it's just so sad to see someone suffering when I know her quality of life could be better. Her health is wonderful except for the depression, which is enough. I took her to the doctor to discuss all this and she refuses to take any medication and that is very frustrating to me. So in short, I love her dearly, will continue to do what I do and try to visit more. I suggested we both read the same book and have our own book club so we can share our views. She liked that!! Of Course I recommended a bookstore book club first but it's ever too hot..... or where do I find one type response, so I guess 2 can be a book club. First book "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society" by Mary ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. I think this will be a good one. Please don't be shy if you have any ideas on dealing with elderly depressed sweet people. I know it is very common, just so hard to watch. You just want to help them so badly.
Here's a few pictures of little Gretel and my mom's yard.
Actually neighbor's peach tree, but so pretty to look at!
So amazing how everything has grown
Miss Gretel
Holly Bush----giving to my parents probably when I was 6 years old (as a xmas present- it was just a one stem plant) from Grants 5 and 10 cent store in the USA (no longer exists)
Love this enamel plaque on the chimney
Love this view looking down, so green, quaint, and cottage like.
Thank you for sticking with me and reading my post. Not my typical blog but this is what was on my mind. I appreciate all of you and EVERYONE take care, be kind, grateful and smile, xoRobin❤
Hi Robin,
ReplyDeleteYour mom is so blessed to have a wonderful daughter like you! And she is also so lucky to have her sweet puppy for a companion!
Blogs are such a wonderful way of expressing things bubbling away inside your head, and lots of times you find others who are dealing with same situation.
You are doing wonderfully well, though you probably feel you should do more. You are so attentive and your book club idea is perfect. You must have your life, too, and your approach to your mother sounds loving.
ReplyDeleteBlessings.
:)
Oh dear, Robin.. how far away is she? How old is she? My mom was depressed too and they put her on antidepressants and it really helped. She was in an assisted living facility and they made sure she took her meds. We lost all 4 of our parents over the last 8 years so I can really relate to what you're going through. Hang in there, honey.
ReplyDelete((hugs)), Teresa :-)
It's so hard to see someone we love dearly so unhappy.........there's not a lot of help out there for a broken heart, you can only love her and be there for her as much as you've been doing, maybe eventually she will be willing to agree to take medication for her depression............it must be such a worry for you, remember to take care of yourself too.
ReplyDeletehugs, lily x
Dear Robin you are a very sweet daughter and your mum is a lucky lady to have you. You are already doing a great job caring for your mum, so try not to worry if you can't make her as happy as you would wish her to be - you are doing your best. The book club idea is a really great one (and your choice of this book is, I think, perfect!) Enjoy being home again and have a happy weekend.
ReplyDeleteHelen x
Robin,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are going through all this with your Mom. As you know my parents are near me and it is still so hard. Watching these once vibrant people slowly pull away for one reason or another is tough to watch. Deperession is hard if you are young and especially if you are older as it masks so many other symptoms and conditions.
You are doing all you can and I think you should give yourself lots of credit. You have a very busy life, but still are trying to take care of you Mom, that says a lot about you as a daughter.
A book club for 2 sounds great, and I read that book and think it was really amazing. Does she knit, crochet, do crossword puzzles, word search puzzles, garden? Getting outside and getting Vitamin D is essential.
Good luck and remember this is your blog and you can write about anything you want. Life isn't always easy and I would rather read a blog about real life than a blog that is filled with a lot of fluff.
Hugs are being sent to you,
Meredith
Thank you all so much for your support, kind and helpful words. I love hearing from all of you, debbie, pooch, teresa, lily, helen, and meredith. Your concern really touches my heart. Thank you, xoRobin❤
ReplyDeleteYou are not rambeling Robin! We can't always explain to those closest to us how much life hurts (and sucks at times).
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that your Mum feels so low. There for the grace of God. It is so sad. It must be so terrible for those who never had family and end up in that situation. Thank goodness she has such a wonderful daughter.
I wonder if you could find a pen-friend for your Mum? (If she isn't online)someone to send a friendly letter once a week or so. There must be others out there in the same situation. I'd be happy to join in.
I am an Arts Co-ordinator for an Arts Centre and we have a lot of retired ladies and men who come to us to learn to paint or do crafts but I think the social side is vital. Would she be able to enroll in something like that?
If I can help in anyway feel free to PM me even if it's just to let off steam.
With love and hugs to you and your Mum.
Tickety-boo xxxx
Dear Robin, it's good to have you home. Putting on my medical hat I would really suggest your dear Mum is persuaded to try some antidepressants, the new SSRIs have far less side effects than the old ones (which you Mum may think are still used)and really give the chemical "lift/boost" to allow your Mum to get some motivation.Also is there a day centre she could attend or anything similar, as social contact is SO important.Or is there a volunteer visitors/befriending agency you could enlist help from? Her dog is a real blessing, she will give you Mum a reason for getting up in the morning.I think otherwise you are doing ALL you can, you are a very caring daughter and you should never feel any guilt. It's such a shame she will not visit you. Your book idea is really ingenious. I would also suggest the online ideas but I guess like my dear Mum she is not too computer literate?
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling, crafting and caring, you are a very warm human being.Take care of yourself,
Hugs,
Jane x
Hi Robin
ReplyDeleteI've read your blog many times & always felt uplifted by your life & crafts. When i read this post i felt so sad for you but i think you have such a sweet heart & i believe You have that same uplifting effect on your mom. I would love to keep you & your dear mom in prayer, i hope thats ok with you
God bless Karen
Your Mum is very lucky to have you for a daughter. I think your idea of a book club is brilliant and something for her to look forward to. Her little dog must give her a lot of pleasure and love. You can only keep encouraging her and just maybe one day she'll surprise you by visiting.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Vivienne x
Dear Robin,
ReplyDeleteI am sending you many warm thoughts all the way from here! You're doing great taking care of your mom AND your family too, and I know it's heart-breaking (and hard!)sometimes. I would also say that the medical treatment would be wonderful your mom to try, I have seen miracles (quite literally) happen when people have been treated with right antidepressants, that just gets the sun out for them again. But I know, it's a hard as no-one can take that decision except your mom. But you're doing wonderful job, dear, and and just keep calling her, maybe ask the children to talk to her, send her their drawings and little notes mail, ask her to visit...?
I big hug from Finland!
Yours,
Mia
Thank you TB, Karen, Viv, Jane and Mia for being my friends and taking the time to share your thoughtful suggestions and caring words. I sincerely thank you! Have a lovely weekend. I feel empowered with the many new ideas to try with my mom. xoRobin❤
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers, my friends.
praying for you both..
ReplyDeletetake care,
Hi Robin,
ReplyDeleteIt is hard indeed... my grandma is there on days and is hard and sad to watch... specially when she doesn't remember us anymore.
You're doing well and all you can do at the time... I'm sure the book idea will cheer her up and hopefully get it better.
Call her every time you can. You could also try to set her up a skype account so she can see you, but that is harder.
Love,
S.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I worked a long time in an extended care facility and depression seems to be so common in elderly. It is nice for her to live at home but I wish for her some more social interaction too. Is there someone that can come talk to her daily? Book club is great, even if it is just for two. Hang in there, you are being a very caring and loving daugter. I bet there is a support group somewhere if you think you need one. Love**
ReplyDeleteHi Robin,
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and like it very much. I am sorry to hear about your situation with your mom. I think the book club is a great idea.
xoxo Susan